Spontaneous. Unplanned. (Post)

          I’ve never been an avid reader, but, I try to convince myself I am. Even though I’ve probably only read about a handful of books from start to finish throughout my existence. A recent book I read was somehow important enough to say something about. It got me thinking…

  I read a book called “When Breath Becomes Air”, by Paul Kalanithi and wanted to share my thoughts after reading it. I will not take the time to write a synopsis but one can be found here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25899336-when-breath-becomes-air?from_search=true. I figured I probably couldn’t articulate clearly what the book was about in my own words. I find that endeavor to be difficult. My hope is that my thoughts resonate and speak truth wherever you might find yourself in life. I’m assuming people actually read my blog and might find themselves actually taking the time to read the book. I happened upon this book while searching Goodreads.com. I’ve always been someone who usually can’t decide what to read. I don’t have a particular brand of book I am loyal to. Although I tend to find myself browsing the non-fiction section more than the fiction / fantasy world. I usually do some google searches or if I hear something somebody suggests I’ll look into it. I didn’t realize the book I was going to read was going to be so vulnerable, real, open, and honest. Here I am at 33 years old having to fight off tears on public transportation because I thought it would be unacceptable to see a grown man crying. Yes, that did happen. If I saw a man crying on a bus or train I would think they must be mentally unstable and to stay far from them. I think society has formed that opinion for me. Or I might feel empathy for him and never ask what’s wrong. If I had his phone number I might text him and make sure he’s okay. I felt some deep connection to this book and it made me think about how I would like to spend the rest of my time on earth. By the way I am not terminally ill or at least I don’t think I am. This book just spoke to me. It brought up thoughts of invisibility and to this day I still have that feeling like I’m immortal. Even though I very well know “death” is all around and can strike me at any time. I am no well- known fortune teller and can’t predict when my life will be over. The one thing I can do is choose what I do with my time. I think in the busyness of life it’s easy to get swept up into every corner of what’s happening around us and forget this fact - our lives are temporary. We have the tendency to think in long-term goals or permanency, but neither of these are true to life / nature. Just like the dairy section in the supermarket, it has an expiration date and will unfortunately spoil. Now, that’s the very point where I find my mind wandering and raising the question, what can I do to leave my legacy on this life? I’m not talking about in terms of nationally or globally changing the world. I think there are only a few people who are built for that kind of trajectory or platform. The more achievable areas where I am familiar and can leave my mark is starting at home being a great husband, father, brother, and son. With that being said not taking a damn moment for granted and spending time with those who appreciate me and love me. I think that’s what this book taught me and hopefully I interpreted Paul’s message as he intended it to be. It’s a very touching story and I would suggest it to anyone. I’ve been thinking about values I want to live my life by and these three things have been bouncing around in my mind.  I think these are good ideals to live by and I believe the author would agree with me: 1) Be kind to yourself. 2) Be kind to others. 3) Remember, we’re all in this together, make the best of it no matter what meets you face on. Thanks for your story Paul. May you rest peacefully.